Casting on...

For the past few weeks I kept trying to schedule in knitting. Which is just crazy. I have no reason to "schedule in" knitting...I just need to pick up the needles and do it. I have time...I do. But for some reason night after night I found that I wouldn't.

Until tonight. I picked up my needles, and my favorite yarn and I cast on. And as I twisted the yarn around my needle to measure out how much I needed, my heart hurt a little bit. And as I cast on those first few stitches...tears began to well in my eyes.

And thats when I realized why I haven't been knitting. Knitting for the past 3 years wasn't an activity I did on my own. It was something that I shared with someone very special. And although that someone wasn't a knitter...that person was there for almost every stitch I cast on...for every mistake I made, stitch I dropped, new skill I learned...and the countless stitches I proudly picked back up. This person cheered me on thru every project and congratulated me on every FO(finished object for you non-knitters) as if I was the first person to ever do such a thing. This person sat next to me in a sea of yarn gently feeding it to me little by little as I knit and purled it into something warm and comforting. This person proudly wore anything and everything I knit without ever complaining of a small little hole here or an itchy yarn there.

This person is no longer here as I gaze at my yarns trying to pick colors. Or waiting patiently at the bookstore as I contemplate buying my millionth knitting book. As I excitedly bind off a washcloth that just happens to have the most perfect colorwork I have ever done...I find that the only person to ooo and aahh is myself.

I had no intention of ever writing about this. Its a very personal matter and one that is painful to try to express. But I found it spectacular that a little piece of yarn and a size US #5 needle could bring out emotions that I have tried so hard not to feel. Knitting, as well as so many other crafts and hobbies, hold for us our memories and our feelings. As we sit and click our needles and feel the yarn pass thru our hands, our thoughts and surroundings are forever set into each little stitch. And this my friends is such a beautiful thing. And although sometimes it brings out sadness that we try to bury...its only because we have to feel that sadness before we can truly feel happy again. I feel sad, but I am feeling happier and by gosh...I'll Knit If I Want To.